Lamenting

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Why do I enjoy feeling sad ?
Why do I watch videos that make me cry?
Why do look forward to listening to sad songs/arrangement over and over and over again?
Why do I imagine myself being in that tight spot, where I can't get out or have to die or worse?
Why do I like men that portray bad characters?
Why do I pretend to be hurt, to be in pain?
Why do I pretend like I'm okay?
Why do I feel like I'm holding on to nothing?

These are some of the questions that's bothering me today. I have no idea why I do these things, and why I insists on doing it even though it bothers me that these questions remain unanswered.

I guess life is not meant to have nothing happen in / uneventful. You just create things in your mind when you have nothing exciting happening in real life. Just so to maintain your sanity, your mind create these moments so you could put some sort of value to your existence even though it all only exists in your mind.

Who says if it only exists in your mind, it's not real?

I do believe in some alternate universe, the alternate me is having a ball of her life, doing things I'll never do, be things I'll never be, and create new things I'll never be able to do.

p/s: Considering of taking up psychology if possible. I hope I'm eligible for it.

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