Herrmitain

 Hi! I've been thinking to do 10 things posts that I'll update here once a week so I'll be posting four times in a month. The reason behind this are to keep my blog active, to keep me be more responsible in posting for making that promise to you guys, and to make sure I'm keeping these neurons in use. I've noticed that I tend to delete things that may seem unimportant to me, but are important to someone else. And thus, they may feel sad that I forgot things about them. I hope by keeping my brain more active, I would retain more information.  So, today's post is about 10 things that scares me. Let's go through the list.  1) Bears This is a legimitate fear as bears can run really fast. And those teeth can chomp me and unalive me quite quick.  2) Die by suffocation This would be an absolute fear for me. Lacking oxygen is scary enough, but asphyxiation? Dude, that'd be one of the most terrible way to go. 3) Open water Creatures of the deep are no joke. The s...

 Just venting a little here. I love making food. Truly, I do. Making them, plating them, eating them. I love them all.  But there are just moments in my life where I just cannot be bothered to cook. And today is one of them. I feel like cleaning the kitchen is okay, but to cook? Honestly, I'm feeling a little drained of being cooped up in the house, cleaning, cooking, cleaning again, other house chores, and it just doesn't end. And the expectation is, I have to clean, cook, clean, cook, clean, cook, clean, cook, and I see no end to it to be honest.  I like cooking when I get input of what to make, being with me in the kitchen as a way of supporting me, and cleaning in turns. And there are days, I just want to order in. Just to feel like I get to skip cooking for a day. I know I order in before, but yeah, I don't know man. I can't say it, cause I feel like it's wrong. I know I get allowance every month, but man... I do feel it. The burn is here, not sure if it's ...

 Ramadhan tahun 2023 ni aku rasa macam syahdu sikit. Entah kenapa, mungkin sebab aku dah tamat belajar. Lepas ni, aku kena dapatkan lesen praktis baru boleh dapatkan klien. Dapatkan klien = dapat duit. Sebab sekarang ni, aku tak ada duit yang aku cari sendiri.  Teringin nak sewa premis pejabat sendiri, pampang nama sendiri kat depan pejabat, terima klien setiap hari, dan majukan perniagaan kecik kami. Harap dipermudahkan. Aku doa banyak kali pasal bisnes ni setakat berapa hari Ramadhan ni. Hari ni hari ke-3 puasa, 4 kali terawih. Kalau aku terlupa nak doa lepas solat, mesti aku doa dalam hati.  Korang tau tak perasaan dia bila rasa macam masa depan tu tak tentu? Aku tak confirm dapat klien setiap hari, tapi aku dah tau buat masa terdekat ni aku nak pakai perpustakaan yang baru diubahsuai tu jadi tempat jumpa klien. Tempat tu cantik dan murah. RM 6.00 je sejam, mana nak dapat? Huhu..  Korang, sesiapa je yang baca ni, doakan aku ya. Aku takut sangat nak maju ke depan, ...

 Hey you guys! Remember about the NGO I talked about a few posts ago? We're officially registered with ROS! Oh my god, I can't even believe it. Feels like it won't happen because we were rejected so many times. But it did! It has!  We successfully registered but have to make some changes. First, we rebranded our NGO from Feminita which has a really feminine name and may chase away potential male clients to something really public, simple, yet easy to remember. The new name is Persatuan Minda Sihat Malaysia (PMSM) or in English, I guess it would be Healthy Minds Association Malaysia or Healthy Minds for short. We've also started recruiting new members. Alhamdulillah, we scored a few more members since our registration. Most of our members are counselling students from Open University Malaysia, but we do not prevent those from other universities to join us too if they are interested in our programs and causes.    As for me, it's the first time something I did and foll...

 Hai semua, assalamualaikum.. malam ni plan asal aku nak buat tugasan. tapi nampaknya dah teralih perhatian ke sini. dah lama tak tulis apa-apa. aku tau blog ni pun tak ada siapa yang baca, tapi aku cuma seronok dapat tulis sesuatu di tempat yang bukan buku atau tugasan. haha beberapa bulan ni aku sibuk sangat. semester ni lagi banyak kerja nak buat banding dengan semester semester lepas. aku tinggal dua semester je lagi. nak habis cepat, tapi pada masa yang sama aku rasa takut dengan apa yang aku nak kena hadap lepas tu. ada temuduga siut nak jadi orang yang berlesen. adoi. nak lepas sem ni pun terkial-kial.  korang yang baca blog aku, tolong doakan tau. terima kasih korang. walaupun aku mungkin tak kenal korang siapa.   aku suka gambar ni, corak batik. aku harap korang suka jugak gambar ni heheh

 Hi everyone, I have news! I'm very excited to inform you that I'm currently taking up studying again. It's amazing. I'm learning so much from the notes and from everyone. I'm not ready to tell you what it is yet, but I will as soon as I am at the finish line I guess. Don't want to ruin the surprise. Who am I kidding? A select few have been told by now, but I hope they'll keep mum about it. I don't want to jinx it. 😂 Also, I promise to post more now. And with pictures. Just pardon this one. I'll treat my blog as my diary.  You wanna know what I'm feeling? Kind of overwhelmed to be honest. Lots of homework, assignments, and stuff to read yet I don't feel like doing it. But I have to. Don't be a screw up again CK. It's been awhile, but you can't back out. Got plenty of people to help once you graduate.  Anyway, thanks guys for reading. I don't want to make a tumblr account because I don't think I'm tumblr material. I...

This year's Father's Day was a solemn occasion. We didn't celebrate it this year since dad passed away a few days before. I remembered sitting on the sofa, scrolling through twitter when I came across a trending topic, Father's Day. Everyone was wishing their dad and there I was, wishing to none. My eyes started to water and my brother noticed. He asked me, "What's wrong?" I just said, "Today's Father's Day". Then he gave me a hug saying, "Yeah, I know." My dad passed away on 13th of June, merely 7 days after his birthday. I did wish him on his birthday saying, "Hey dad, you know what day is today? It's your birthday! Happy Birthday, dad." He did let out a little smile acknowledging my wish. But he didn't say anything. Also, we had no cake for his birthday this year. We had nothing. He can't keep anything down but water. I should've noticed that something is off. But I shrugged it off thinking ...

It's been more than two weeks since Ayah last at home. He's now receiving the help he needs someplace else because where we live, such help is not readily available. My fourth brother is currently is the chosen guardian because he lives in the city, and physiotherapy center as well as medical establishment are close by. I really hope Ayah can find it within himself to recover as best as he could because he's still relatively young as he's not yet reached his 70s. I hope anyone who reads this post or just happens to stumble upon my humble blog would pray for Ayah's speedy recovery and reigniting his motivation so he would always want to improve his situation. On the other side of the story, I've been hermitting quite seriously since Ma and Ayah left for the city. I read more, I watch animated stories more, I get to take naps whenever I want (which is once a day, I don't go off the edge by sleeping all day just yet :D), and I cook for one mostly these day...

So, uhh... I started writing in a journal recently. Stuff that I wrote in there ranges from daily thoughts, notification of death of immediate family members, and my nightmares. It's not a routine thing, I just write when I feel like I want to be able to recall stuff when I needed and I kind of decide as I go what I want to put it. Not everything end up in the journal. Some private stuff just end up in my brain so no one can access it, not even me especially I'm such a forgetful person. I wish I could remember something meaningful about myself for the past 29 years, but truth be told, I can't remember any. Sounds sad, but that could mean I just don't care that much about what happens to me, except for some really messed up stuff. Hahah that sounds exactly like me! Remembering all the stupid crap and forgetting all the good ones. Anyway, I'm 30 this year people. Too old for sappy emotional shit. I'm gonna be more honest and try to write more. Not that anyone...

I think I'm going to tell you stories. So many posts before this, actually most of them are some other people's stories. This time it's mine. My father suffered from stroke. He had the third strike of stroke last year, in September. It was quite severe because on that day, left-half of his body doesn't quite respond to anything. Even the left half of his face drooped down a little bit, leaving him with an uneven facial strength and response. Let's skip to after all the hospital treatment and rehabilitation process. To be honest, rehab doesn't last very long because it is strenuous and tiring. To an old man, rehab is like a challenge each day that they no longer have the will to take on. So, after one session each he said he no longer wants to continue doing rehab because as he said, "too stressed out". And as a caregiver, all I can do is follow the patient's request. However, as a daughter, I wish for him to regain back his strength. His humo...

Recently, I've been sort of obsessed with documentaries about British people who are on benefit and young pregnant girls. I feel like they are stuck in their circumstances and even though they feel desperate to get out of it, they simply don't have any idea on how to do it. Even worse when their benefit being cut off from the many policy changes enforced throughout the country. It's like when you're already at the bottom of the hill and some people just decided to dig out some hole for you and place you in it, at least that's how I feel about it. I'm not blind that these things also happen in my own country. They are plenty of homeless people in Kuala Lumpur, got plenty of people who are living on the breadline over here in my area. These things happen everywhere I guess. It's just that Britain have always been seen as a big country with lots of resources, and it just didn't cross my mind that they would so many homeless people, or young homeless peop...

But.. Hmm, this type of posts always comes with a 'but'. If I want to say I'm writing this because of personal experience, that wouldn't be entirely correct. I bet most of daughters feels this, or have felt this. Dad, we adore you. But please don't get mad at us for things we've done nothing wrong of. If we are, sure. We completely understand. But please don't do it if we're not guilty. Dad, we adore you. But don't use sarcasm to get what you want. Just tell us nicely what you want us to do, and we'll do it for you. We grew up being told what to do nicely and politely, and we do the same to other people. To be told sarcastically by you is a pain in our hearts. Yet, we do it anyway. Why? Because we adore you. Dad, we adore you. But please listen when what you do is wrong or questionable. We listened to you when we was growing up, why can't you give us the fair chance, by just listening to what we have to say? It is not difficult, we...

Thank heavens Malaysia have; Anuar Zain Josiah Hogan Imran Ajmain Alyah Jaclyn Victor Ning Baizura Shila Amzah #actor #performers #entertainers #talented

Aku perlu kurangkan berat. Hmm. Obesity.

Salam, and hi. I just got home after two weeks and two days layover at my brother's house in Seri Kembangan. Had a gig (temp job) at a university, I helped invigilating the exams. The experience was an eye-opener, because I get to see the albeit very limited view of what happens day to day in that particular university, I still get to know the inner workings of it. I met and worked hand in hand with people of different ethnicity, knowing what it feels like wake up everyday at 5.35 a.m. and get ready to work, rushing to the venues, distributing papers, attending to students' needs, and packing everything up before we leave the place. My feet felt absolutely in pain for the first few days, and numb for the days after. But I have credit my brother, for his patience and his excitement, and his kept down disagreement and upset for seeing me having to go home immediately after I finished my work on Tuesday. He kept saying that I'll forget him, and his place. Brother, know th...

How is it you always plan to do something, it ended up halfway or even worse abandoned at the inception. I've always wanted to be a writer, but always afraid that I would not be very good at it. My twin of course applauded me for every single thing I've wrote, but I think she's just doing her duty as a sister to support me, however nasty my work really is. I thank her for that. Sometimes, even though the world thinks of you as a two sided turd, you need someone who loves you unconditionally and nods approval for what you do no matter how shitty it turns out. That way, you never thought of yourself as someone being on the bottom of the barrel, even the truth is you're an inch away from the bottom. My point is, we all need supporters. One, or two, or many, it doesn't matter as long as you have some. I've never seen someone who has no support at all, but probably I'm surrounded by people that loves connection. Never really met a hermit, that cuts off the o...

Hello everyone. For the second Things to Ponder, I'd like to talk about this little thing called diversion. Let's get into it. For years now, we've been 'babied' by a small group of people. These people gave us news wrapped in candies, sugar, and everything sweet but underneath all that, is the rotten truth of what our world really is. We were told that we're doing great, but the truth is we are at the brink of collapse. Some of us might not notice it yet, but we are being targeted by some big powers looking to occupy us like we used to. Remember that? Millions suffering, people killed with no solid base whatsoever, women and girls raped and then killed, and many more who worked for the powers that be even if they are unwilling for this thing called staying alive.  There are so many problems that normally seen in the crevices of life is being brought up to the surface by way of news or social media. While the more important and life changing news are left in...

Hello everyone. So, I'm starting a new series called Things to ponder. In this first TTP session, I'm going to discuss about the appropriate name to call your children. Now, we've heard parents call their children a multitude of names which includes their given name. We're not discussing their names in this session because I want to save that for some other post later in time. I'm talking about that cutesy names that the parents call their children. I'm all for calling your children by girl, boy, sweetheart, munchkin, anak, budak bertuah and so forth, but one thing that I continue to disagree until today is to call your own child, kakak, abang or adik. To train your other kids to call each other by kakak, abang, or adik is a must I guess unless you want them to call each other by some other name like Along, Angah or other names as well. But for parents to call their daughter kakak, and their son, abang or adik, it's just disagreeable. Why would you want ...

For two nights in a row, I've been sleeping restlessly. Two nights before, I was staying up, typing away replying the texts of a nice guy that I met online. He's replying dutifully, making jokes along the way while asking me if he could meet me one day. Found him in a chatroom (I know it's not a reliable place to meet anyone) unintended. I've been looking for anyone to talk to mostly because I was bored out of my wits and then someone pinged me using the name Lexo. a/s/l? 27, male, australian. Wow. We chatted for a bit and he asked if he could see how I look like. I said, I didn't have any photo in any of the photo hosting websites online. He suggested that I used a temporary image hosting website. He gave me his photo first. Amazing looking. I stared in disbelief that this good looking man is even chatting to find people to talk to. I sent him mine. He liked it, saying I was cute and how impressed he is at how I look (which I totally ignored as I thought, yeah, he...

I fucked up. In the last post, I told you I was asked to teach my cousin's daughter some English. And two classes after, I mentioned about fees. Before that I asked my siblings how much should I charge per class. And they said, I should charge by hour. RM 30/Hr. And since each class was an hour and a half, each session should cost them RM 45. Told the mom, and she said this rate is too expensive. I said, I'm teaching her everything I know and I want to help her be better in English and whatever that might cost me (time, sleep, commitment, etc.), I don't mind as long as I got paid. And they said, they'd think of it first. After a few days, she (the girl) came over for a session. This time, she mentioned that each session will be cut short to an hour only and she came forth bringing the fee for the past classes which is RM 90. After that, she gives so much excuse to come. I know she wants to learn. Did I charge too much? I mean, her mom said that they used to pay R...