Herrmitain

 I hope no one would read this blog. Ever. I use this blog to say things I would never say to anyone, because saying it could have impacted me perversely. So, it's better for me to keep what I want to say to stay hidden from other people's eyes or knowledge as it would benefit no one, at least at the point I'm writing this. Children. A huge gift for those who are able to negate it. A burden and a sin to those who are not able to, despite bringing them to this world by choice. A choice. Bringing a child into this world is definitely a choice. Chose to get married. Chose to make love. Chose to have a child. Chose to have more child. And another. And another.  What would be the reason why parents stop having children? Is it, I cannot financially support them anymore? Or is it I cannot be bothered to stay up at night looking after them, changing their diapers, feeding them, burping them, all those things young parents do? Or is it, I just cannot have another young mind I can sh

 Just venting a little here. I love making food. Truly, I do. Making them, plating them, eating them. I love them all.  But there are just moments in my life where I just cannot be bothered to cook. And today is one of them. I feel like cleaning the kitchen is okay, but to cook? Honestly, I'm feeling a little drained of being cooped up in the house, cleaning, cooking, cleaning again, other house chores, and it just doesn't end. And the expectation is, I have to clean, cook, clean, cook, clean, cook, clean, cook, and I see no end to it to be honest.  I like cooking when I get input of what to make, being with me in the kitchen as a way of supporting me, and cleaning in turns. And there are days, I just want to order in. Just to feel like I get to skip cooking for a day. I know I order in before, but yeah, I don't know man. I can't say it, cause I feel like it's wrong. I know I get allowance every month, but man... I do feel it. The burn is here, not sure if it's

 Ramadhan tahun 2023 ni aku rasa macam syahdu sikit. Entah kenapa, mungkin sebab aku dah tamat belajar. Lepas ni, aku kena dapatkan lesen praktis baru boleh dapatkan klien. Dapatkan klien = dapat duit. Sebab sekarang ni, aku tak ada duit yang aku cari sendiri.  Teringin nak sewa premis pejabat sendiri, pampang nama sendiri kat depan pejabat, terima klien setiap hari, dan majukan perniagaan kecik kami. Harap dipermudahkan. Aku doa banyak kali pasal bisnes ni setakat berapa hari Ramadhan ni. Hari ni hari ke-3 puasa, 4 kali terawih. Kalau aku terlupa nak doa lepas solat, mesti aku doa dalam hati.  Korang tau tak perasaan dia bila rasa macam masa depan tu tak tentu? Aku tak confirm dapat klien setiap hari, tapi aku dah tau buat masa terdekat ni aku nak pakai perpustakaan yang baru diubahsuai tu jadi tempat jumpa klien. Tempat tu cantik dan murah. RM 6.00 je sejam, mana nak dapat? Huhu..  Korang, sesiapa je yang baca ni, doakan aku ya. Aku takut sangat nak maju ke depan, jadi aku tau ni lah

    I've decided to do book reviews now. Deal with it as you please, sorry though if it doesn't measure up. Cheers!   This book has been sitting idly on the second row of my IKEA Billy's bookshelf since I bought it from BookXcess online store. It is my fault it has been there for so long, but I'm glad I bought this book. I didn't remember why I bought it, or any story line prior reading it.  When I first started reading this book, I saw a white lady's name, Holly Bodger. Imagine my shock when I read the first chapter and realized the setting is not in a western country, but an inspired land off of India. I always thought people would write about the things that are familiar to them, but this one is different. Or it's maybe my uninformed self that probably the author has plenty experience about India. The second thing that shocked me is that this story is a dystopian story, set in 2041. Most dystopian story I read or watched are mostly based in the US, UK, C

 sebenarnya kan, aku tak kisah pun single.  but i have to admit,  it's nice to have someone fuss over you when you're sick. sekarang aku tengah demam, aku kena jaga diri sendiri punya makan, aku sendiri punya ubat. haha bukan komplen, cuma ni pemerhatian aku je.

Since the last post which was exactly 2 months ago, some things has been happening.  I started on a weight loss journey, by myself  I've lost 4.6 kg total  I gained some of them back and lose them again for the past couple of week Had a emotional low where I had to solicit advice from a friend  I always thought losing weight was easy, as the only thing you had to do was watch over what you eat and you'll lose the kgs. But, from what I experienced, the emotional battle within me was the hardest to face. Telling myself, if I quit I could eat whatever I want since I gained some of the weight back. Why keep at it when I plateaud, and even gain weight back? Tough questions to answer.  I know the answer is consistency and not giving up. But that is easier said than done. However, I want to come out the other side being 10 or 15 kg lighter. I want it. I will it. It will be done.  Hope's my next post will be more cheerful haha Here's hoping.